AHHHHHHHHH!! I am really loosing my mind lately!! Just to warn you, this post won't be all warm and fuzzy, I'm pissed off, frustrated and really just flippin ready to run away!! So, for those who think that every moment of being a mom should be cherished and everything is always perfect, then don't read cuz you know what life isn't perfect! I do cherish my kids and love them both, but sometimes you just need to scream!
Tyler has officially become a 4 year old boy, we skipped the terrible twos and it is truly hitting with a vengeance! I guess the Autism delay is roughly two years! I get mad at myself for sometimes thinking that every action and every situation is "because of the Autism" when I have to remind myself that he is a 4 year old boy. BUT... The Autsim does factor in ALOT! I am at my wits end, he has pretty much totally regressed with the potty training, just pissing all around the house (yes, the BM's too), dumping juice EVERYWHERE, running around naked all the time, pushing buttons on the DVD player, making messes EVERYWHERE, just simply not listening to ANYTHING! And you know what I do not know how to teach my son! I feel like I am constantly yelling and screaming and it does NO good! I just don't know how to teach him what's appropriate and what's not. I can't stand it. I moved the flippin DVD player up higher, he climbs up on the entertainment center and pulls it down, over and over and over and over again. He dumps water from the tub onto the floor over and over and over and over.. he dumps the juice out of the big boy cup over and over and over he slams the doors over and over and over and over. And nothing I do is doing any good! It sure makes you feel like shitty parent when you can't even teach your own child how to behave! He learns differently, I get it, but I don't have the tools to change how I parent I guess.
THANK GOD FOR ERIN!! I spoke (well cried) with her this morning, she's so understanding and kind that she has agreed to come over on Sunday ~ I know Sunday ~ to help us implement a behavior plan for home! THANK GOD! I am just truly at my wits end (wait did I say that already?), it's like I just don't want to yell or scream or try to "punish" any more! It does NO good! I don't know what to do! When it all started a few weeks ago, I thought ohhhhh how cute, well at least he is starting to be defiant, at least he's being more like a typical boy, but you know what with a typical child you can explain why you just don't do certain things, yelling usually scares them or at least gets their attention, even them seeing how upset or sad you are, they react to that with empathy, punishment usually means something.. but with someone who has Autism... he honestly could give a rats ass! He is literally running this household. But you know what it's time to take the power back! And with Erin's help on Sunday I will do it! And let me tell you..I am counting the flippin' hours! Lord help me until then!
And as I sit here writing this he is proceeding to piss in the kitchen while I am typing in tears not knowing what to do! He's ripping the DVD player down, moved the basket from the ottoman to climb onto, opened the fridge and tried to get into the garage, jumping like a mad man on top of the table (all in 10 minutes)..what the F*#@!! And how to I comfort myself? With food, then I really feel like crap after that! I give up!
Please say a prayer for me that I will regain some patience and control and we will get thru this! PLEASE!
I feel bad cuz I use to think "why did this happen to me?" When I do feel blessed to have Tyler and Emily, I couldn't have asked for a better family, it truly has taught me so much about life, friends, family and myself..so I need to look for the lesson here too! Bring it on.. I am ready. or am I? ;) But really ...Why did this happen to me?
Other than that, life is moving along, we finally got rid of the van, so now I have a Ford Edge(thanks Lori for reminding me it is an Edge and not an Echo) and it's even sweeter cuz we are saving like $200 a month, Emily is testing for another dragon belt tonight, Robert is working hard, trying to do some from home (good luck with that honey), and honestly Tyler has been kicking some serious but in therapy so that's great he's behaving and working outside this house. A few cute things he's doing now, is singing the Veggie Tales theme song, and doing the "peace out" sign when saying bye to Erin. He's really kicking but with his sentences and categories too!I've been invited to go to Vegas with 2 moms from Tyler's school and I think I just might go (free ride there, a free hotel AND I can bring my own booze?)... I'm thinking I might really need a couple days away by the end of March! What do you think?
Anyhoo, gotta run, go try and put the house together and order a pizza since I'm in NO mood to try and make anything that will leave a mess or think about anything I can scrounge together that resembles healthy! Some times you just have to say "What the *@#*"!
Loves and Hugs XOXOX
Terri :(
2 comments:
Oh Terri! I feel your pain. There is really nothing I can say other than try to get a break when you can. Our kids are so wonderful but they can also be so challenging...All at the same time!
Let me know if you need to talk.
Hey Momma.... We have to remember, with all of that "kicking Ass" that Tyler is doing in therapy comes regression. It's harder for our guys to process their progress. And he *is* 4.5, he is going to change and his ASD will change too. I TOTALLY understand how easy it is to become complacent when the kids are on an upswing and doing well...Makes the rough patch that much more deep & ugly. Also, not to sound weird, but have you ever noticed Ty being more challenging during the full or waning moon? Rex is def affected.
Chin up Girl. Deep Breaths. Cyber Hugs,
d
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